Hummer H2

Over at our sister publication Tank and Turret Gunner, they are huge fans of the H2. They don’t see it as a paramilitary poseur but rather as an affordable and practical alternative to the mil-spec original Hummer, which is once again only available to the public through special order and costs nearly as much as a laser-guided bunker buster. If we were going to lay out that sort of cash on something, we’d want it to blow up our neighbor’s garage, and maybe half the block, too. Advantage: bunker buster.
Tank and Turret Gunner’s biggest complaint about the H2 launched for 2003 is that it is too slow. With a max payload of just under 2000 pounds, its relatively limited armor capacity means it is best suited to quick-strike and reconnaissance missions for which its 325 horsepower and correlating 10.7-second wheeze to 60 mph are simply insufficient.
“Insufficient” is not a word taken lightly by a company proud of the H1’s 16 inches of ground clearance, 60-percent grade capability, and Central Tire Inflation System that allows on-the-fly pressure adjustments for optimized traction over any surface. A brief rummage through GM’s closet turned up the 6.2-liter V-8 also found in the Cadillac Escalade and GMC Sierra Denali. Why not?
Higher-Caliber Weaponry
Even in a vehicle weighing 6620 pounds, the now-standard 6.2-liter’s 393 horsepower and 415 pound-feet make for reasonable quickness. With a six-speed automatic replacing the old four-speed, the 2008 H2 will zip in and out of strip-mall battlegrounds faster than you can sing “Oh, beautiful for unwav’ring might and viral jingoism.” We recorded 0-to-60 mph in 7.1 ticks, an improvement of 3.6 seconds over the ’03 H2. The quarter-mile arrives in 15.7 seconds at 88 mph, a trip during which you’ll be serenaded by the bellowing V-8, which sounds fantastic even over the torrents of wind noise generated by the H2’s flat, upright windshield.
More important than quickness is the tremendous improvement to highway behavior with the additional power and gears. The old drivetrain struggled against the H2’s weight, not to mention aerodynamics that approximate those of MC Hammer’s parachute pants. At highway speeds, any grade or application of the throttle would necessitate a lurching downshift accompanied by much frenzied intake whoosh. With more power and refinement from the engine and two more cogs in the automatic, the need to downshift is greatly reduced, and what shifts remain necessary are much smoother. Also welcome on the highway is a revised steering gear that endows the H2 with a semblance of on-center feel.
The six-speed has a manual mode controlled by buttons on the steering wheel, but we can’t figure out why anyone would need it. We might have used it during an ice race we planned to attend, but the session was canceled when the weather got warm enough to raise concerns about the thickness of the ice. True, the H2 might have broken through regardless of temperature and ice thickness, but we wanted to see if the 315/70-17 BFGoodrich tires would keep us afloat. Now we’ll never know.
Inside, the Dress Uniform
In addition to the driveline, Hummer’s other major improvement to the 2008 H2 is the transformation of the its cabin from a disaster into quite possibly the nicest interior in GM’s current stable of trucks and SUVs. It is still dominated by big, simple shapes, which lend it a rugged appearance, but the materials have a quality look. The dash and the center stack are trimmed in a sort of faux brushed platinum, and the analog clock set in the middle of the dash is the piece Cadillac ought to be using in the Escalade. The front seats are comfortably reshaped for 2008 and were wrapped in very classy rusty brown leather in our tester. This color, called Sedona by GM, is also used on the center console and door-mounted armrests and is a no-cost option.
The only options on our truck were the $1555 Adventure package, which includes air springs in the rear, an onboard air compressor, a brush guard, and a first-aid kit, and the must-have rearview camera ($890), with a small display that deploys from the side of the rearview mirror when the truck is shifted into reverse.
Use with Caution
It’s louder and faster—and prettier inside—but the character of the beast is still much the same. The view out the sides and back is lousy, and the view forward is confounding; the broad, flat hood makes it nearly impossible to tell where the corners of the H2 are. You may think the right side of the truck is hanging off the road, but the fact that those mailboxes are passing by—and not under—the vehicle confirms otherwise. Driving an H2 is a unique and highly entertaining experience, and in no driver’s seat is the temptation to run over curbs, trees, and fellow motorists greater.
For such a tank, the H2 has a relatively smooth ride that crushes most small road imperfections, but big bumps still cause some jitteriness and occasionally elicit unsettling sounds from the lower decks, like maybe someone forgot to tighten a few bolts in the suspension. You never forget that the H2 weighs 6600 pounds, has a beefy solid axle out back, and wears huge 315/70-17 rubber. The tires are more than 12 inches wide at the tread and 35 inches tall, and the tire-and-wheel combos weigh an astounding 95 pounds apiece.
That’s heavy enough to do real, lasting damage to the backs of those folks unlucky enough to have to change an H2’s tire. The owner’s manual states that you may need assistance in this regard. Unless you’re currently employed as an American Gladiator, you can forget about that “may.” Would your AAA rate go up if you called a tow truck and the driver hurt himself changing your tire?
Pursuing the Wrong Objectives?
No new interior or drivetrain can change the fact that the Hummer H2 is a ridiculously impractical vehicle. It weighs almost three and a half tons but is only marginally more spacious than a Toyota Camry. Without running boards, even the gangliest of staffers had a hard time getting into and out of the truck. Although some of us considered this an endearing aspect of the Hummer experience, the novelty has its limits. A friend actually had to lift his pregnant wife into the truck. The grab assist handles don’t feel quite as stout as the truck’s frame, raising concerns about their chances of long-term survival given the frequent demands placed on them.
H2 sales fell by 26 percent in 2007, and we suspect potential buyers weren’t deterred by the previous interior and lack of power. Because of its 8600-pound gross vehicle weight—“gross” is right—Hummer is not required to publish EPA fuel-economy ratings for the H2, but we recorded 10 mpg. With fuel economy and the environment ever-growing concerns, the H2’s newest weapon—although entertaining—seems to be arming it for the wrong fight
VEHICLE TYPE: front-engine, 4-wheel-drive, 5-passenger, 5-door wagon
PRICE AS TESTED: $60,035 (base price: $57,590)
ENGINE TYPE: pushrod 16-valve V-8, aluminum block and heads, port fuel injection
Displacement: 376 cu in, 6162cc
Power (SAE net): 393 bhp @ 5700 rpm
Torque (SAE net): 415 lb-ft @ 4300 rpm
TRANSMISSION: 6-speed automatic with manumatic shifting
DIMENSIONS:
Wheelbase: 122.8 in Length: 203.5 in Width: 81.2 in Height: 78.5 in
Curb weight: 6620 lb
C/D TEST RESULTS:
Zero to 60 mph: 7.1 sec
Zero to 90 mph: 16.3 sec
Street start, 5–60 mph: 7.4 sec
Standing ¼-mile: 15.7 sec @ 88 mph
Top speed (governor limited): 99 mph
Braking, 70–0 mph: 200 ft
FUEL ECONOMY:
EPA city/highway driving: not rated
C/D-observed: 10 mpg View Photo Gallery